If a Child Threatens to Run Away, Should Parents be Concerned?

by Anne Robertson

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Each year, an estimated 1 million children, usually between the ages of 13 and 17, run away from home (Isaacs, 1997, p. 121). The National Runaway Switchboard estimates that the average age has dropped from 16 years to 15 years, with 38% under the age of 14. While many children think about running away or may threaten to run away at some point during their childhood, for most children it never goes beyond a threat. Increasingly, younger runaways appear to be from well-meaning families, and parents are taken by surprise at their child's actions. However, 41% of the runaways who called the National Runaway Switchboard in 1997 indicated that "family dynamics" was the main reason for running (Isaacs, 1997, p. 121). Other concerns may be abuse, poor grades, social issues, and stress from conflicts at home or at school. Also, the breakdown in extended communities may be a factor. In previous generations, when family tensions flared, the parents and adolescent might get some respite care from a grandparent or relative who lived in the neighborhood. It wasn't unusual for the teen to stay with grandmother for awhile. Unfortunately, few families today have those options available within their community.

It may be helpful for parents to understand some of the warning signs that may appear in a preadolescent or adolescent who is considering running away. Fenwick and Smith (1996) in Adolescence: The Survival Guide list the three main causes for running away:

• Frequent family fights. Some of the most common issues are about the teen's behavior, grades, friends, clothes, or staying out late.
  
  
• Worries that the child is afraid to tell you. Troubles at school—including bullying, suspension or poor grades, anxiousness about peer issues, sexual orientation or pregnancy, and alcohol or drug problems—are not unusual concerns for students.
  
  
• Situations at home where the child feels unable to cope. Running away is usually a cry for help and may be the child's way of escaping abuse, a stepparent, or dealing with the breakup of the parents' marriage. These problems may be the most difficult for the parent to deal with because the parent may not acknowledge the seriousness of the situation.
  
  

Transition times, such as moving to a new community or school, are high-risk times for students, and they may fantasize about their previous community or have romantic ideas about life on the streets. Other warning signs might include increased tension and decreased communication between the parent and child or the teen's withdrawal. These and other indicators of depression should be noted in the child.

For some parents, the first realization that there is a problem is when the adolescent runs away; for others, the child may threaten in anger to leave. According to Fenwick and Smith (1996), the typical runaway will likely not stay away for long, typically 48 hours to 14 days. Also, very few leave their immediate community; they will usually stay with friends. Most runaways come home of their own accord. However, it is important that a threat to run away is not ignored. Parents might respond to the child by listening to the child's concern and helping the child develop some strategies to cope with the problem. It may also be helpful to suggest talking with an empathetic third party such as a family friend, relative, or counselor. Reassuring the child that he is loved, and able to work through his concerns rather than running away, may help. If the child does leave, Fenwick and Smith (1996) suggest the following actions:

• Check with friends and relatives who are close to the child.
  
  
• If you are unable to contact your child, call the local police.
  
  
• When your child does come home, you may react with relief and then anger. However, let your children know that you are upset because you love them and are worried about their safety.
  
  
• Make them feel it was worth coming home by listening and trying to understand their concerns, then seeing what can be done to change things.
  
  
• Don't be afraid to seek outside help from people who are not directly involved if it is easier for the child to talk to them.
  
  

Working together to build communication and to improve the quality of the relationship between the parent and teen may be the most effective prevention for running away.

For more information:

Boys Town National Hotline
Telephone: 800-448-3000
URL: http://www.ffbh.boystown.org/Hotline/hotline.html

National Runaway Switchboard
Telephone: 800-621-4000
URL: http://www.babyplace.com/runaway.htm

Covenant House Nineline
Telephone: 800-999-9999
URL: http://www.covenanthouse.org/

Youth Crisis Hotline
Telephone: 800-448-4663

Books:

Rebel without a Car: Surviving and Appreciating Your Child's Teen Years by Fred Mednick (Minneapolis, MN: Fairview Press, 1996).

Helping Teenagers into Adulthood by George R. Holmes (Westport, CT: Praeger Publishers, 1995).

Adolescence: The Survival Guide for Parents and Teenagers by Elizabeth Fenwick and Tony Smith (New York: DK Publishing, 1996).

You and Your Adolescent by Laurence Steinberg and Ann Levine (New York: HarperCollins, 1997).

Raising Responsible Teenagers by Bob Myers (London: Jessica Kingsley Publishers, 1996).

Sources

Fenwick, E., & Smith, T. (1996). Adolescence: The survival guide for parents and teenagers. New York: DK Publishing.

Isaacs, Florence. (1997, September). Mean streets: What makes good kids runaway from home? Parents, pp. 121-122.

Credits

January 1998

Published monthly by the ERIC Clearinghouse on Elementary and Early Childhood Education, University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign, Children's Research Center, 51 Gerty Drive, Champaign, IL 61820-7469. This publication was funded by the Office of Educational Research and Improvement, U.S. Department of Education, under contract no. DERR93002007. Opinions expressed in this magazine do not necessarily reflect the positions or policies of the Department of Education.

NPIN Coordinator and Parent News Editor: Anne Robertson
Production Editor: Emily S. Van Hyning