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How Can I Help My Child Improve Self-Esteem?
Most undiagnosed and untreated children with AD/HD suffer from low self-esteem. Many will also show signs of being mildly depressed. These feelings stem from the child's sense of personal failure. For the child with AD/HD, the world is often an unkind place. Negative feedback in the form of punishment or blame tends to be a constant in this child's life. Early diagnosis and treatment help to stem the feelings of poor self-esteem.
To encourage a good sense of self this child must be helped to recognize personal strengths and to develop them. Using many of the behavior management techniques and intervention strategies described in this document will help. The child's self-esteem will improve when he or she feels competent. These are not children who can't, or won't. They can, and do. it's just that "can" and "do" come harder for them.
Where Can I Find a Parent Support Group?
For those parents, teachers, and children challenged by this disorder, AD/HD can be a truly unique experience. While some days the struggles seem insurmountable, it's important for parents to realize that, when AD/HD is properly managed, these children and youth can and do turn their liabilities into assets.
Until such time, help and hope are available. AD/HD parent support groups exist in every state. For information about a group in your area, contact CH.A.D.D. (Children and Adults with Attention Deficit Disorders) at 499 NW 70th Avenue, Suite 109, Plantation, FL 33317, Telephone: (305) 587-3700. If there is no parent support group in your area, the CH.A.D.D. staff can give you guidance in how to start a group. In addition, CH.A.D.D. Offers many publications, including CH.A.D.D.er Box and Attention!
Ways to Improve Life in General
and the Self-Esteem of Children with AD/HD
Become Proactive. Knowledge is power. Gain knowledge about the disability so you understand why and how ADD affects the child at home, in school, in social situations, and the entire family system.
Change Your Belief System. Before the child can change his or her self-concept, the adults in the child's life have to change the way they view the child. Separate the child from the behavior, and then separate the child from the disability. These are not ADD children. They are children with ADD.
Act, Don't React. Emotional responses such as blame and anger will diminish when you stop, look, listen, and then respond. In other words, count to ten.
Nurture Yourself. Take time alone with your spouse, develop an interest or hobby, establish a regular exercise program; be good to yourself.
Catch The Chid Being Good. Give your child lots of praise, encouragement, recognition, and positive attention. Reward the child for meeting expectations. Use punishment sparingly, and never ridicule the child.
Develop The Child's Sense of Competence and Responsibility.
- Identify the child's strengths and weaknesses.
- Develop realistic expectations of the child.
- Play to the child's strengths by building opportunities for success in the environment. Remember, you may have to structure situations carefully to make success achievable.
- Assign special jobs (feeding the family pet, mowing the lawn, decorating the house for holidays).
- Cultivate the child's special interests (help start a card or doll collection, take trips to museums).
- Enroll the child in extracurricular activities (sports, performing arts). Finding an activity best suited to your child may require trial and error. Encourage the child by attending practices and performances.
- Play with your child. Let the child choose and direct the game or activity and, if not too obvious, let the child win.
"I think I can. I think I can," said the little red engine. And he could.
Author's Final Note
This Briefing Paper is intended to serve as a guide and introduction to AD/HD only. Due to space restrictions, much valuable and explanatory information has reluctantly been omitted. Yet such information is essential for developing a full understanding of this disorder. You can find in-depth discussions and practical "how-to" suggestions in either of my books, along with information that will help you understand and address the many issues associated with having, or working with, a child with AD/ HD. I encourage you to read further on the subject and to consult the materials and resources listed in the bibliography on the next pages.
About the Author...
Mary Fowler, author, advocate, educator, and parent of a child with AD/HD, is one of the country's leading authorities on the subject. The New York Times calls her book Maybe You Know My Kid a well-researched, empathetic, no-nonsense guide to recognizing, understanding, and helping children with AD/HD, and her Educators Manual is used by schools nationwide.
Through lectures and in-service presentations delivered to audiences nationally and internationally, Ms. Fowler brings parents and educators informed and practical approaches to AD/HD. Until recently, Ms. Fowler served as National Vice-President of Government Affairs for CH.A.D.D. (Children and Adults with Attention Deficit Disorders), where she actively worked on legislative and policy issues regarding the education of children with AD/HD. She now serves on CH.A.D.D.'s Professional Advisory Board. Ms. Fowler lives and teaches in Fair Haven, New Jersey.
NICHCY would like to express its deep appreciation to Ms. Fowler for the time, energy, and expertise she devoted to the authoring of this Briefing Paper.
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